Made a little cookie, come and take a lookie, baked at kpopalypse.com only, come get some

WordPress has a cookie policy, but it’s boring and nobody cares. You could read it here if you wanted. Since it’s boring, here’s a revamped Kpopalypse.com cookie policy that has all the things you need to know about cookies. Why not take a lookie?

Kpopalypse Cookie Policy

Our Privacy Policy explains our principles when it comes to the collection, processing, and storage of your information. This policy specifically explains how we, our partners, and users of our services deploy cookies, as well as the options you have to control them. So this additional cookie policy here isn’t really needed, is it? Whatever, here it is anyway so we can legally cover our asses.

What are cookies?

Cookies are small pieces of data, stored in text files, that are stored on your computer or other device when websites are loaded in a browser. And not anything else. We promise. They are widely used to “remember” you and your preferences, either for a single visit to take a lookie (through a “session cookie”) or for multiple repeat visits to my place only to get a cookie (using a “persistent cookie”). They ensure a consistent and efficient experience for visitors, and perform essential functions such as allowing users to register and remain logged in. Cookies may be set by the site that you are visiting (known as “first party cookies”), or by third parties, such as those who serve content or provide advertising or analytics services on the website (“third party cookies”). Which one tastes sweeter? Why not come get some and then you can tell us.

Both websites and HTML emails may also contain other tracking technologies such as “web beacons” or “pixels.” These are typically small transparent images that provide us with statistics, for similar purposes as cookies. They are often used in conjunction with cookies, though they are not stored on your computer in the same way. As a result, if you disable cookies, web beacons may still load, but their functionality will be restricted. I bet you didn’t even know this was a thing. Sneaky, hey? And you thought that your average dogwhistling k-pop agency was bad. Here’s a small transparent image, that could be hidden on any of our website pages, at any time:

How we use cookies

We use cookies for a number of different purposes. Some cookies are necessary for technical reasons; some enable a personalised experience for both visitors and registered users; and some allow the display of advertising from selected third party networks, although Kpopalypse.com does not do advertising because we’re not a bunch of cunts unlike every single other website ever so you won’t have to put up with that shit here, probably. Some of these cookies may be set when a page is loaded, or when a visitor takes a particular action (clicking the “like” or “follow” button on a post, for example, or maybe other types of actions).

Many of the cookies we use are only set if you are a registered WordPress.com user (so you don’t have to log in every time, for example, because constantly logging in would be gayer than this post), while others are set whenever you visit one of our websites, irrespective of whether you have an account.

For more information on the choices you have about the cookies we use, please see the Controlling Cookies section below.

Where we place cookies

We set cookies in a number of different locations across our services. These include:

• On our websites (including kpopalypse.com, ask.oppar.party and a bunch of other lame sites you don’t care about).
• In the administrative dashboards of our websites, such as Calypso and wp-admin, not that you care about that either because you’re not admining this site.
• On other sites WordPress hosts for their users, which we also don’t care about.
• On sites that use our plugins (e.g. Jetpack) which includes kpopalypse.com although if you asked me exactly what the fuck Jetpack actually does I couldn’t tell you.
• In emails. I’m not sure if that’s the emails that I get from wordpress, or that you get from me, like if you’re signed up to my email list, but whatever.
• At our place only, come and get some.

Types of Cookie

The table below explains the types of cookies we use on our websites and why we use them.

Category	Why we use these cookies
Required	These cookies are essential for our website and services to perform basic functions and are necessary for us to operate certain features. These include those required to allow registered users to authenticate and perform account-related functions, store preferences set by users such as account name, language, and location, and ensure our services are operating properly.
Anal-ytics	These cookies allow us to optimize performance by collecting information on how users interact with our websites, including which pages are visited most, as well as other analytical data. We use these details to improve how our websites function and to understand how users interact with them, and also to make a stupid stats post every year for your entertainment.
Advertising	kpopalypse.com disables stupid advertising, but if I didn’t, or if something happens one day such as I die and this website reverts to the free version because the bill to remove the fucking stupid ads doesn’t get paid any more, you might potentially see ads at that time assuming that the entire world hasn’t been swallowed into Bang Si-hyuk’s gaping asshole by that point. Until then, kpopalypse.com is advertising-free.

Examples of cookies

Advertisements from Third Parties Through Automattic’s Ads Program

…are lame, so this site doesn’t have any. But if you had to put up with them, here’s the companies that could serve you ads, and links to their cookie policies. Why not take a lookie at their cookie policies?

Partner	Cookie Info
Criteo	https://www.criteo.com/privacy/
Google (AdSense, DoubleClick Ad Exchange “AdX”)	https://policies.google.com/technologies/ads
InMobi	https://www.inmobi.com/privacy-policy/
SmartAdserver	https://smartadserver.com/end-user-privacy-policy/
TripleLift	https://triplelift.com/privacy/

Jetpack

Kpopalypse.com uses Jetpack which is some plug-in nonsense, I don’t even understand it really. Here’s all the Jetpack cookies and what they do, apparently.

Cookie Name	Purpose
comment_author_{HASH}	Remembers the value entered into the comment form‘s name field.
comment_author_email_{HASH}	Remembers the value entered into the comment form‘s email field.
comment_author_url_{HASH}	Remembers the value entered into the comment form‘s URL field.

Subscriptions

Cookie Name	Purpose
jetpack_comments_subscribe_{HASH}	some bullshit
jetpack_blog_subscribe_{HASH}	idek lol

EU Cookie Law Banner

Category

Why we use these cookies

eucookielaw

Remembers the state of visitor acceptance to the EU Cookie Law banner., which works fine except when it doesn’t. Apparently some of my readers are having problems with this EU banner thing, which is what prompted this post. After all if you’re being forced to look at a stupid banner, the link might as well send you somewhere funny. Also I know the table headings are fucked here and it looks like shit, but it’s not like anyone is reading this so it doesn’t matter. I could write anything I want here. If I was going to be pegged by a female k-pop idol I think I’d want it to be someone who could do it gently and not cause too much damage. First time and all. Not someone like some ballsy female rapper who would probably just wreck my ass physically, not some big star like IU or Karina either because they tend to have a lot of “hatred of men” energy going that they’d probably use the moment to unleash. Looks wouldn’t matter after all I’m facing away from them. Should be someone independent, because I get asked about pegging a whole lot and so each time I did after I got pegged I could say “well actually I got pegged by [independent artist x] last week” and that might be good promo for them or something. Every little bit counts.

Please note that this section is not intended to be exhaustive, but rather aims to be representative, so I guess that means there might be some other shit going on with the cookies that isn’t mentioned here, I don’t know. Don’t think about it too hard, watch this video.

Controlling Cookies

Visitors may wish to restrict the use of cookies or completely prevent them from being set. Most browsers provide for ways to control cookie behavior such as the length of time they are stored – either through built-in functionality or by utilizing third party plugins. If you disable cookies, please be aware that some of the features of our service may not function correctly, and also the people offering you cookies may be sad.

To find out more on how to manage and delete cookies, visit aboutcookies.org. For more details on your choices regarding use of your web browsing activity for interest-based advertising you may visit the following sites:

• networkadvertising.org
• optout.aboutads.info
• youradchoices.com
• youronlinechoices.eu

But think carefully before you control cookies too much. We know what too much cookie control leads to – lots of lawsuits. We don’t want to make Danielle even more miserable. Just stop fucking with her cookies already, geez.

Our Internal Analytics Tool

In order to better understand how our services are used, we monitor certain user activities that take place within our products, including page views and clicks on any links used when managing a site via our dashboards. So while we do not monitor your fap strokes, we probably do know how many times you right-clicked and saved Karina or Wonho pictures. Don’t worry, we won’t tell.

You may opt out of our analytics program through your user settings. By doing so, you won’t share information with our analytics tool about events or actions that happen after the opt-out, while logged in to your WordPress.com account. Note that opting out does not disable the functionality of the actions we track, so you can still save the Wonho GIF above and fap to it after you’ve opted out.

Oh and if you’re reading this not on kpopalypse.com but on one of those other weird mirror sites run by scammers and pedos who just scrape all the content and repost it for clicks, none of the above applies and you’re dealing with their cookies instead of mine, which probably means you’re getting fucked right in the ass with their tracking and spying even harder than I am in a pegging session with Yoyomi or whoever. So don’t blame me for any viruses you pick up or when the local police bust your door down because they found out you innocently searched “after school bang” in a browser that one time and the police didn’t know it was a song by a k-pop group.

So that’s it! If you have any questions about our use of cookies, you can find the most relevant contact details in our Privacy Policy. Anyway thanks for reading all about cookies, and I hope this wasn’t too boring!