It’s time for Kpopalypse roundup! Let’s check out some new releases!
It’s not the drug’s fault that your favourite ex-k-pop boy doesn’t know how to take them properly. Pace yourself, bro.
Jungkook feat. Latto – Seven
We’re going to have to put up with this sound from everyone for the next year aren’t we. Thanks for nothing NewJeans.
ODD EYE CIRCLE – Air Force One
Let’s be real – it’s no “Loonatic“, not by a long shot. Still, it’s fast and it’s different, and it’s maybe slightly better than most of the more recent full group Loona songs, so there’s promise that they might hit gold next time. We’ll see.
MISAMO – Do not touch
The three girls from Twice who I probably care about the least get together and do a song I don’t care about either.
NMIXX – Party O’Clock
Someone has finally realised that “MIXX-pop” isn’t going to be the new trend and so NMIXX have been graciously allowed to do actual songs with a beginning, middle and end that don’t sounds like three completely separate genres. Pity that the one genre they settled on for this song is yet another NewJeans clone but hey, you’ve got to crawl before you can walk.
(G)-IDLE – I Do
The similarity in the ambience and harmony choices makes this come off like a poppier version of the hugely underrated “Spacedog” by Long:D and Summer Soul, one of the few highly-acclaimed ballads by Kpopalypse and a song which still isn’t out of Kpopalypse Nugu Alert viewcount territory by the way so why no go and listen to it because it’s great. (G)I-dle’s song even has a music video with nearly the exact same plot, so it’s very obvious that someone saw that song and decided to do a more idol-pop friendly version. I approve.
IVE – I Want
The best soft drink commercial you’re going to hear for a while. I really want to know what goes on in communist’s heads, do they really think anyone is going to equally share the Pepsi?
NCT DREAM – ISTJ
MBTI is just racism for terminally-online people who are running out of ways to discriminate against others and want to find some new ones, so let’s not encourage it by reviewing this song with any seriousness. Just in case you missed it Lovebites have a new live video out and it’s great, now there’s the perfectly executed live vocals you’re looking for. Imagine being one of those “k-pop vocal analyst” freaks and wanting to listen to k-pop singers by choice instead of heavy metal, or doo-wop, or even R&B, or literally ANY other genre besides k-pop. What kind of world do some people live in, I can’t relate.
Sandara Park – Festival
Apparently this is a remake or a sampling of something, or something, but it’s really not very good so whatever. Hey at least Dara’s back, and I’m sure there’s a reason why I should be happy about that, I’ll try to remember it. Hey I have lots of Philippines readers these days so maybe they’ll appreciate it.
ENHYPEN – One and Only
Wait, people still give a shit about Pokemon? I thought that fad died after Pokemon Go came out and people all suddenly stopped playing it because they were accidentally finding opium dens and dead bodies in their neighbourhood. Enhypen aren’t doing a great job at it anyway, they’ve only got six of them or so in this video, that’s a bit weak, lift your game k-pop boys.
&TEAM – Road Not Taken
The road not taken here was the road to some music that I actually give a shit about.
Hyolyn feat. Paul Blanco – This Love
The best solo Hyolyn song by a huge margin and also significantly better than most of Sistar’s output. It’s nothing all that innovative but it’s just a nice upbeat song and it’s been nearly a decade since she’s actually done one of those without screechy brass and annoying overcooked vocal runs creeping in and ruining it.
Rockit Girl – Electrifying Love
I always hate it when there’s a crazy shredding guitar solo in a song but the video doesn’t actually show the guitarist. This here is the first video I’ve seen where I feel like I can grant an exception. Even better, the acoustic version of the same song keeps the solo intact, good work.
KOYOTE – Wish
Koyote are sometimes cool and sometimes just gimmicky, but almost never awful. At their best they’re like this, giving very “Absolute First Album” vibes with their modernised trot sound.
PRSNT – Where Are You Now
PRSNT have had way better songs than this, what we have here is only average by their standards. Still worth a look for Jiyoon being Jiyoon aka the underrated visual star of 4minute, and the guitar player with the flashiest guitar in k-pop and the least amount of things to do with it.
KARD – Cake
You can’t have your cake and put a boring dance beat over it too.
Class:y – Crack-Crack-Crackle
“TV” filters are dumb, I didn’t grow up through all these phases of technology like the old crusty cunt that I am just for someone to simulate the garbage TV set of my youth that sucked.
Lapillus – Paper
Actually this could have been okay like a knockoff Twice if it wasn’t so focused on following every crap trend.
PLAN B – HALLI-GALLI
I think about 95% of the effort here was spent on imagining and designing the outfits for all the different scenes. I guess k-pop is all about the visuals really so it’s probably money well spent, these nugus already have more views than Spacedog. Did I mention that Spacedog is really good?
NCT DOJAEJUNG – Perfume (Jafunk Remix)
All remixes are for child molestors and nazis so instead let’s have our regular weekly black music feature, and if you think that I’ve run out of black people making crushingly heavy music that breaks your balls just as much as it breaks stereotypes about what “black music” supposedly is, think again. Nova Twins are amazing not just because they sound cool but because they can pull off their very effects-driven studio sound live, and actually even up sounding just as good if not better in a live context while doing it. The bass player gets tones that I have simply never heard out of a bass (at least not ever within a musical context worth a damn), and the whole thing is just an excellent take on the stale world of nu-metal that actually sounds refreshing.
BOL4 feat. Ha Hyunsang – Someday
Meanwhile, BOL4 are boring. Or let’s say they “is” boring given that it’s a band of one. I always hate that “band of one” shit because whether you use “is” or “are” you always feel like you’re doing it wrong. Sometimes there are no good options.
Yoon Jisung – Summer Island
Only in k-pop are people allowed to sing songs this upbeat and look so unexcited while doing it. He sits like my granddad.
BLASÉ feat. Lee Youngji – Drop It
What I really like about YouTube lately is the graph at the bottom of videos these days that show the parts of the video people watched the most. It always reveals the same kind of “elemphant in the room” things that I point out with my comments but that other would ratehr deny, like how that 0.5 seconds of underboob or six-pack abs will always be the most viewed, meanwhile everyone’s out here on social networking pretending that they’re angels or some bullshit, no you’re not, the numbers don’t lie. In this case, the graph reveals that people are only here for Lee Youngji and why the fuck wouldn’t they be. Loser male rappers shouldn’t let her guest on their tracks, they should just shut up and make her the main feature. Nobody’s listening to you, boy.
Ash-B feat. Bobby – LIT
I bet that same graph reveals people skipping over the Bobby section, just like I did. Ash-B has the right attitude to life, I stan.
UV – Heungbo
Sometimes UV are good but just as often it just feels like a joke that I’m not in on.
Shin In Ryu – Unloved
I guess if I knew a pole dancer who was this good at it, I’d just let her take over my whole video too.
YUL2 – Paranoid
E SENS – What The Hell
Look out, a rapper actually has a beat to rap over. That doesn’t happen very often in Korea… or anywhere else for that matter. Rappers always with the shit beats these days, why? It’s a lost art, I tell you.
8urp feat. Chillin Homie – Wack
See, usually it’s THIS weak as piss stuff instead. Accurate song title of the week. Anyway, that’s enough, fuck.
BONUS RANDOM VIDEOS OF THE WEEK
Avril Lavigne “Sk8er Boi” COVER by Solar
Would have been better with a full band, I can’t fall of a skateboard to this. Just putting it up here so YouTube algorithm stops suggesting it to me.
Jessi Opens Up About Love, Self-Care, and Major Life Changes
Jessi is always pretty real, so an hour of her talking about stuff is something that a person could sit and listen to. Honestly her only problem is her music taste, everything else about her is pretty cool and Kpopalypse approved.
Hyori – U Go Girl
Someone told me that it’s the 15 year anniversary of this song so I should review it, gosh well okay then. It’s like a slower, duller, more dragging version of “Sorry Sorry” in the way the whole song kind of relies on that one ascending synth riff to carry it. Thanks to the sloppy pacing and general lack of melody, the song gets half the musical work done in twice the amount of time. One major plus point though – instead of the boring trend these days where the pre-chorus is a half-time drop, in this song they double the speed instead, so that’s a cool little antidote to all those drops that we have to put up with ‘in our area’ these days. (And no, an ‘anti-drop’ isn’t a real thing in music. That’s just another way of saying ‘a drop that sucks’.) U Go Girl just kind of ends up average, which is why I didn’t talk about it before now, and which is invariably going to be the result of all these retro reviews because if it’s over a decade old and I haven’t said anything about it yet, that’s probably because there wasn’t a lot to say.
That’s all for this week! Kpopalypse roundup returns next week!
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