Oh my, Kpopalypse Nugu Alert is back! Let’s check out some more nugus!
How well will the AI do? Can it correctly identify a k-pop nugu? Will the songs be any good? Will our sanity survive the picks? Let’s take a look!
Cyber Cat Nap – Action Girl
Here’s the first pick, and it’s a k-pop video of a sort, so we’ll run with it. I only see one member (who looks nothing like the girl in the thumbnail for some reason) so it’s not really a “virtual girl group”, unless you count the twisty-arm dancers at 1:37 or the… scary Hillary Clinton dwarf things at 1:39 GOD WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT NIGHTMARE FUEL holy shit… it’s also all in English, but then so is about half of k-pop these days so whatever. The song isn’t the worst I’ve ever heard but it’s hardly good, but it’s still the least scary thing here, the rest is all compeltely terrifying. It’s also completely nugu, so good job ChatGPT.
YouTube views at the time of writing: 4297
Notable attribute: cars driving in both directions on a one-direction freeway at 1:02 is truly a horror to behold, don’t just STAND IN THE MIDDLE OF THE ROAD GIRL WHAT THE FUCK heaven forbid AI is ever fully in charge of road safety
Nugu Alert Rating: very high
apic (AI Songman) – Fire
The AI pulled out a very recent video for its second choice, featuring much better image rendering and a Blackpink-adjacent look with the girls of “apic” not looking like they had busted ass limbs for the most part. The song also had some snatches of Korean in it for extra k-pop realism which I thought was a nice touch, even if it’s pretty screechy and annoying apart from this. The creator insists “apic” is a group, but I wasn’t sure how many girls there were supposed to be in it, as you only ever see one at a time (I guess the technology for a full multi-girl dance routine is still a few third-world countries worth of carbon output away), and I wasn’t sure if the differences between them were because they were supposed to be different members or just because the AI was getting the prompts wrong. I guess I’ll just have to wait until they turn up on kprofiles sorry I mean kpopping.com, right?
YouTube views at the time of writing: 760
Notable attribute: those shoes seem a bit too large for her feet at 1:51, let’s raise a petition to get AI avatars better fitting footwear so their “digital footprint” is less painful over time
Nugu Alert Rating: extreme
NeonPlus – Vibestorm
Okay so there’s only one member in the live stage for this supposed “k-pop boy group”, I guess the technology for showing a full group without their limbs dropping off really doesn’t exist yet, although at 2:22 some surprise backing dancers finally appear to liven up the stage which is actually pretty cool. For extra points, our idol sings half of the words without the microphone anywhere near his mouth plus borks all the lipsync, so the amount of vocal fakery competence shown is quite accurate to the real thing. There’s even tight pants and quite a bit of skin flashing here, so all my readers who like the man-flesh please report to me and tell me if this video met required standards for you, the machine mother would like to know in order to convert the last of the planet’s resources into future content to enhance your lives.
YouTube views at the time of writing: 80
Notable attribute: both the “star” lightstick and the “pole” lightstick are seen in the crowd of this video, NeonPlus fandom is a true understanding welcoming multifandom
Nugu Alert Rating: extreme
This response just took me to some weird blog article about how great AI is or some bullshit. Hmm, let’s try again.
DigitalTease – Showgirls
Something different here, a dance practice style video, but with various solo dance performers again instead of a full group. It’s definitely the least k-poppish out of all the selections but also the one with the best music even if the lyrics are awful. It’s also weird how every single dancer here has far beyond Jihyo levels of bustiness underneath their shirts with the constantly transforming text, but I guess that’s probably just a reflection of what people who search for k-pop girls type into search engines (don’t I know it).
YouTube views at the time of writing: 196
Notable attribute: girl in the gym seems about nine feet tall compared to the gym equipment around her, a good person to have on your side in a dorm fight
Nugu Alert Rating: extreme
That’s all for this episode of Kpopalypse Nugu Alert – the series will return!
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