It’s time for Kpopalypse roundup! Let’s take a look at some new releases!
BTS – Merry Go Round
That weird triplet snare hit over this otherwise ambient-style song is really obtrusive and jarring, but it’s also the only interesting thing to talk about.
ALLDAY PROJECT – Crash
I think this is the best that Allday Project have gotten so far. I’m sad that I still can’t pick out the nepo baby in this group though, it would be good for writing inspiration, as Kpopalypse book readers know that the nepo baby characters are always the fun ones. Thanks to the people bombarding me privately with Annie Moon videos, I’ll get there one day.
ALLDAY PROJECT – Do It Like This
As for this other song of theirs, let’s just say that XG raising the bar for rap lyric writing in idol music hasn’t really caught on as a trend overall in Korea, has it.
UNIS – Milky Way
Since Unis are disbanding and they don’t want you to be too hurt, here’s an acceptable but fairly ordinary song that won’t make you miss them too much.
UNIS – BBYBBY
And another “for the fans” video just in case you still had some parasocial attachment left. There it goes, down the drain, bye bye.
NiziU – Sour Grapes
Niziu are getting better, they’re now only averagely boring rather than horrible crap most of the time.
LIGHTSUM – Doshite
Supposedly a “Japanese redebut” or whatever, which makes sense because the Japanese market makes more money than the Korean market and always has. But you can tell that it’s not real j-pop for realsies because the song’s actually good, they won’t fool anyone into thinking they’re actual j-pop with quality like this.
ARTMS – Pixel Memory
ARTMS seem to be going all-in lately on this “cutesy hardstyle” type of sound (or whatever), and it’s actually a pretty good niche for them, they should keep it up.
QWER – Dreamer
Not the best QWER song or the worst, this is pretty decent and if you like QWER you’ll like this, and if you don’t like QWER I guess you’re just not feminist enough to appreciate the one true feminist queens of k-pop, sucks to be you.
Trisha Paytas – Banjjak Step
It might surprise some of you that this song is so good and recalls peak Lovelyz/Twice, but it makes sense when you think about it. Trisha Paytas is approaching k-pop as a passion project, and when you’re doing something purely for the love, with no real expectation of adding fame or money into the equation (because you already have those), there’s nobody slave-driving you because you’re your own boss, and you’re also really sincerely into the genre as a whole, you’re more likely to make sure the song doesn’t suck. Because otherwise, why even do it at all? Also see Honey Popcorn.
BOYNEXTDOOR – Animal
Every group gotta have their token fast song now. Blackpink really did pave the way. (It’s probably their paving construction earthmoving equipment in this video.)
ENHYPEN – Stuck
More of a vibe than an actual song, and I guess it kind of works on that level, if nothing else. A song to use soundbites of for TikTok videos rather than to actually listen to from end to end.
Yesung – Winds Of Time
The worst thing that happens in this video is that Yesung’s car breaks down and someone doesn’t reach in and kick the stereo out of it to make the shit music stop like in Justice’s “Stress” video.
Jun – 9
Nothing to write home about here. It’s okay I guess. But it’s not Orange Caramel. Read the room, Pledis.
KickFlip – Puzzle Piece
The only puzzle here is why anyone would listen to this if they weren’t in a cult.
dearALICE – Animal
One of the members of this group found my stuff on TikTok the other day so in case they’re paying attention, hey I hope things are going well for you, say hello to Min Jiwoon for me if you two cross paths in SM under-promoted nuguland.
ONEUS – Say Yes!
I think I’d prefer to say “yeah nah”.
&TEAM – Good Boy
Today I learned that HYBE have four people who all worked on “brand experience design” for this song. Isn’t that amazing. This is why none of this stuff sticks out, it’s all written by committee. If there’s one sure-fire way to get a bland finished product, just get a whole bunch of people to work on it together in boardrooms.
ifeye – Loverfory
No good is going to come out of a video with a thumbnail like that.
Minzy – Calling
Horrible Christian dogwhistle nonsense. I guess being in YG for a decade would be enough to drive anyone to seek Jesus. From one cult to another.
AFuture – Last Party
I should like this in theory, but I definitely don’t. There’s something very strange going on in the bass register here that kind of sucks, and on top of that everything’s just “busy” rather than “catchy”. If Trisha Paytas came out with this everyone would shit on it gladly, but her song is actually good this week, and this isn’t.
Lena – MIXIN’ THANG$
Lena brags in this song about how she’s “breakin’ NDAs” but her company just privated the last few podcasts with her and Brittney on them and those were absolute fire, so I’m disappointed. If she wants to walk the talk for real she should come and talk to Kpopalypse. Do it caonima, I probably live just down the road.
Lil Cherry & GOLDBUDDA – Yummy 88
Lil Cherry is sometimes great, but when she is, it’s because she has a decent beat behind her. No such beat exists here.
Jackson Wang – Thank You
I saw this last week just before roundup went live and left it out for the good of humanity, but I guess I’ll include it now just to let you know that Jackson is thanking you for something, reminding him about Chinese history I guess.
Josh Cullen ft. Jay Park – Like Me
The video directors thought you’d rather see an AI slop montage than Jay Park during his guest appearance in this video. Maybe they’re onto something.
Dalsooobin, Suvin – Yes x 4
Forget your bias miming, there’s great compilations on YouTube of people pretending to DJ, go search. This video definitely reminded me of that.
WOW – Low
I remember when WOW from ACE was a big-time contender in the legs category of the Kpopalypse Objectification survey. Those days seem long gone now, he seems to think we want to see some AI slop filters instead. In this case we probably don’t.
nineorzero feat. Choo – Speaker Knockerz
This probably would have been decent if they switched the Autotune off as I actually don’t mind the backing track here.
nineorzero – Dr. Phil
Sadly she’s one of those people who has decided to make hard Autotune her “thing”, what a crying shame as her tracks are actually decent and the annoying robot voice on top just ruins them completely.
A I W E O – 00FF00
Okay, this is their best song yet, even if it’s lacking a little in dynamics once it gets going. A few more rough edges would have helped this out a lot.
Silica Gel – Desert Eagle
Silica Gel have the right idea. Like all their songs it takes a while to get going but it’s worth the wait. This is what your other k-rock bands wish they were.
Dovlvl – Mummi Confetti
The other week I was in a restaurant and I got serviced by a girl with very very fresh eye surgery, and she looked kind of like this. I realise this fact doesn’t have anything to do with anything and I don’t care, this is Kpopalypse not Reviewsongslikeaboringnormalcuntalypse.
Lee Jin Young – Ready for you
I wish more trot would go for this more subdued vocal style, but the problem here is that the music is too subdued along with it. It’s a banger at 1.5x speed though…. actually no it isn’t it kind of drags even then. Oh lord.
Rockit Girl – Surf (original version)
Lacanian theory divides psychic experience into Imaginary, Symbolic, and Real orders. The subject is formed through language and lack, desiring what the Other cannot give. “Reality” is the coherent world built by the Symbolic and Imaginary—meaning, norms, fantasy. “The Real” is not reality; it is what escapes symbolization: traumatic, impossible, meaningless, irreducible. It intrudes, disrupts, and resists representation, yet underpins all symbolic realities.
CRYPTA – A Portrait Of Decay
Here’s your non-Korean feature of the week. Some caonimas have noted my interest in Brazilian funk and asked me to recommend some Brazilian music that I like. Here you go, enjoy. Brazil understands metal better than anybody, except perhaps the Japanese, and even that’s debatable. I especially love the visual ideas here, they really went all-out with some stuff that’s very simple but very effective.
RANDOM BONUS VIDEOS OF THE WEEK
Tonitastic – K-Pop is a CULT | My Koreaboo Story
A great video, more like this are needed. If you’re one of those people who is having trouble extracting yourself from the cult, but the trufax here at Kpopalypse.com isn’t doing it for you because you’re scared of jiggly buttcheeks hiding under your bed at night or whatever, then maybe this girl can talk some sense into you instead.
Klassy Korea – Why This Korean Legend Faced Backlash For Attacking A Teen
Dal Shabet – Be Ambitious
A pretty messy song thanks to a bland melody, way too much sonic filler and some really awful keyboard patch choices. Once you hear those descending three notes of low-attack synth in the verses repeating over and over you can’t unhear them and it will grate on you long after the song’s over.
That’s all for this week! Kpopalypse roundup returns next week!
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