It’s time for Kpopalypse roundup! Let’s take a look at some new releases!
IVE – Blackhole
Like “Bang Bang” it’s definitely more of a hit than a miss, but unlike that song that had a cracking tempo once it got going and cool surf guitar, “Blackhole” is definitely lacking a little something to make it really stand out. Still decent, I wouldn’t pick this song to go to the toilet if I saw them live (which I can’t afford to do by the way for the people asking) but IVE have done better.
Hearts2Hearts – Rude!
Significantly less rude than hyped, the song benefits greatly from some sweet Hammond organ in the chorus (a criminally underused sound in k-pop across the board) but overall it’s just far too polite for its own good. If you’re going to be “Rude!” go all the way, otherwise add some more melody to it to make it a proper pop song, this halfway house isn’t it.
NCT JNJM – Both Sides
The latest in the neverending stream of mid NCT projects, the bland R&B here will definitely ensure that you’ve forgotten about this song by the time NCT GHWLV-3×4#N_9 rolls around.
RIIZE – All of You
I’m really liking how faster pace is a consistent trend now in k-pop across the big agencies, thank you NewJeans, thank you Kpop Demon Hunters. We are finally at the end of the slow-as-shit “in your area” sound being the norm. Riize benefit here with a song that’s pretty punchy and cool mainly thanks to the fast tempo.
LNGSHOT – Backseat
Jay Park sure bet on a lng shot when he thought that anyone would even be interested in this poop.
XG – Rock The Boat
This ad for Singapore tourism has boring R&B music with an incredibly annoying chorus hook, but their aquairium looks nice. I guess they really did feel like a shark chiki chika chu
X:IN – Dazzle Flash
I appreciate the throwback type of sound but there’s no song here to seal the deal. The camera zooming up on a Dubai cityscape is a nice touch though, that’s one way to hint you’re stuck with a slave contract.
ATEEZ – Nasa
Apartheid Clyde said a while back he wanted to defund NASA, which is a pretty on-brand opinion for a narcissist who won’t even support his goddaughter Go Won, but after listening to this, maybe he was onto something. Maybe someone at SpaceX can fire this bullshit into the sky and make sure it leaves orbit for good.
NMIXX – Shape Of Love
Nmixx’s “for the fans” slop is actually a decent shade better than when most groups do it. Actually one of the better songs this week.
Hi-Fi Un!corn – Dreaming
People made fun of Attack Attack back in the day, but I think the dance here is even more stupid. Definitely in the top 10 of stupid dances by bands ever.
TRENDZ – Kart Racer
“Visual sketch”? This is what we’re calling music videos now? I guess it’s not really a music video if the song isn’t music because it changes up 57 times before any music is actually established.
RPZ – Dark Night
I never listened to “Seven Nation Army” and thought to myself that it needed to be a shit Autotuned rap loser version.
TMC – To: you
Because I know that you want to know, here you go, you’re welcome.
Kim Sungkyu – Over It
I’m over ex-boy band members strapping on a guitar and being “we’re all rock now”.
Lunedi – Face Myself
Apparently this girl is from Weeekly and there’s not a lot going on here of interest but we all should just be glad whenever anyone escapes a C-tier group.
Crude feat. Hayun of Primrose – Mystic
It would be terrifying driving around Seoul streets and having your vision suddenly obscured by a CGI butterfly in the way. Perhaps this is how AI plans to do away with the human race.
Omega Sapien – Krapow
Balming Tiger and related projects do have their songs that are cool and then they have the ones where they just put on a loop of random noises and yell a lot.
Cyrrca feat. Lil Cherry, Jungle – Iced Americano Forever
I don’t hate this, but it does feel like it’s missing something. Some more interesting backings probably would have helped, this is just a bit too minimal for its own good.
Nekiru – Zero Gravity
[yotuube=https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SPgqQyee9-0]
A pretty reasonable stab at J-idol style metal, but there’s no getting around the fact that all the best bits of the song are the parts where there’s no vocals.
CODA BRIDGE – Switch
Someone switch it off.
verycoybunny – Child of Mars
Definitely a boring-ass video and thanks for pushing annoying glare in my face for two-thirds of it. What moron thought that this looked good or was appropriate. Nearly dumped this one from roundup completely just for sucking visually. “But what about the music” hey how about stop offending my eyes with bullshit artsy crap video direction choices if you want me to actually listen to any of it.
Crystal Tea – Humanity Declaration
Promising image, but the music is bland as hell. Don’t even bother. Mind you it’s still the pick of the bunch of all this week’s rock stuff, most of which is even more boring than this and I just threw it out of roundup completely.
Sion – Homes
This isn’t bad I suppose but a little less leaning into the gimmicky switch-ups and a little more writing decent melody and harmony would have been cool. Oh well.
FuturePeerClub – Off The Map
Although this one wasn’t too bad. I’m liking this, it can stay in.
Purynn – Tool Kit
mrcs
Sik-K feat. Dean – Stay on Fire
Listen to this fucking shit. Just listen to it. Everything wrong with humanity, right here. If you’ve ever liked anything Dean ever did, you are directly responsible for this song existing. You are part of the problem. Reflect.
Counter Attack ID – P.Y.C.
This song was actually submitted for roundup a while back, and I’m not sure why because the group are from Indonesia and I am not Indopopalypse. However what it is, is a damn decent song, so it can be the random non-Korean music pick for this week instead. Enjoy.
RANDOM BONUS VIDEOS OF THE WEEK
wireshred. – why kpop will never have real music critics.
Basically exactly the same conclusions I came to and wrote about over a decade ago. Nothing has changed. A good video. Clearly she doesn’t know about kpopalypse.com and the incredibly insightful music criticism here though… ahem cough splutter, actually I’m not a music critic either. Fuck music critics. That’s probably the only thing this video gets wrong, is that music critics aren’t something that you should actually want in your life, which is why I write the way that I do. K-pop not having real music critics would actually be an asset if they didn’t have fandom dumb-dumbs instead.
Your semi-regular reminder that supposedly progressive k-pop fans actually love racism and they need it to thrive just as much as breathing in air. K-pop fans are the people who cancel your faves for wearing dreads while shouting slurs in computer game lobbies at the same time. One rule for them, another for everyone else. If we lived in a world without racial slurs, k-pop fans would have to invent some just so they could make it through and live another day.
TEEN TOP – Crazy
Actually not a bad song back in the day, but it mainly sticks out to me these days for the video, a prime example of the street harassment genre, where the Teen Top boys relentlessly stalk some girl who is just minding her own fucking business. I think at the end she says something like “if I hug you once, will you fuck off finally?” but unfortunately he hangs around after that. Oh and enjoy the puzzling thing they put at the end, what the fuck? Those were the days when agencies would do weird shit like this.
That’s all for this week! Kpopalypse roundup returns next week!
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