It’s time for Kpopalypse roundup! Let’s take a look at some new releases!
Jisoo & Zayn – Eyes Closed
The failboat western collabs continue as everyone tries to recapture the “APT” magic, thinking that pairing a k-pop girl with a non-k-pop guy is all it takes. Little do these people know that’s about step 295 in a 509-step process that also involves small details like writing a song that doesn’t suck and performing it in a way that doesn’t make people fall asleep.
TWICE – ME+YOU
Twice in lounge music TV theme mode isn’t any more interesting than when anybody else does it.
NMIXX – Blue Valentine
A really good song here is struggling hard to get out of the stupid “change-up” cage JYPE built for it, and it’s so good that it actually almost makes it out. What a shame that whoever put this mess together was hamstrung by NMIXX’s awful conceptual baggage because if this whole song just kept with the chorus feel and tempo and just chilled out on all the other lame gimmicky bullshit a bit it could have been one of the best songs this year. (Cue a bunch of morons on social media: “it IS song of the year” but you’re k-pop fans, and nobody trusts k-pop fans’ opinions in 2025, we’re living in an age where the number one biggest movie of all time on Netflix right now is all about how easy you are to brainwash.)
ITZY – Rock & Roll
Pretty light on the actual rocking and rolling but a reasonable song regardless. Look quickly at 0:52 and you can see Kim Garam’s chalk art, that’s definitely a girthy dong at co-ordinate 800:8135.
BABYMONSTER – We Go Up
A song that works pretty well when it sticks to rapping, as soon as they start singing over it everything sadly falls to shit.
Synsnake – Parasite
This sort of metalcore chug stuff isn’t my favourite type of metal but I’ll still take it over the soft weak shit versions of rock that usually pollute roundup.
YOUNG POSSE – ADHD
Really awful beat style and production choices drag down something that could have been cool in a parallel universe where Korean producers know what beats are.
QWER – Blue Whale
Some cover of some old song I don’t give a shit about, with QWER’s rock energy basically wasted. At least the weaker QWER songs tend to have the better clothing choices, so it’s not a complete loss.
SinB – Hipnotic
Actually a much better song that the recent Eunha solo. If this review isn’t proof that Kpopalypse isn’t biased in these reviews I don’t know what is. In fact, SinB might get on my bias list herself in future if she keeps up with this type of behaviour.
TWS – Overdrive
All the people who didn’t realise that Saja Boys’ “Soda Pop” was meant to be a shit song that only appealed to brainwashed idiots because that was the entire point of why it’s in the Kpop Demon Hunters movie in the first place will probably like this as well.
ONEWE – Maze
There’s nothing really that can be said about this competent but fairly mid song so instead this is just a heads up that the latest Kpopalypse survey is now live! CLICK HERE to fill out the survey and have your say on the most important* matters in the world of k-pop today! (*importance is a subjective determination which may vary depending on your age, gender, sexuality and cultural upbringing)
W24 – I gotta feeling
Just that Britpop sound, and the more boring overrated end of it too (Oasis/Blur), not the more interesting end (Pulp/The Las). It’s a skip, folks.
Catch The Young – In Your Arms
I’m not into this sleepytime poop so let’s have our weekly non-Korean LGBT feature here instead, yay! This week it’s Queen because why not, I grew up listening to them and they were one of the groups that made me want to learn how to play guitar thanks to Brian May’s unique, understated effects-driven lead guitar playing that I desperately wanted to recreate as a teenager but never had the stomp box budget for. However it was singer Freddy Mercury’s unique voice and delivery style that really set them apart, something he absolutely proved beyond doubt when he passed away in 1991 leaving a hole in the group so large that three decades later there’s still not a single singer alive on the planet who would be able to step in and convincingly fill that particular void (although a few have tried). I’m putting “Breakthru” here from 1988’s “The Miracle” album, not because it’s one of their better songs (it’s a great song, but frankly mid by Queen standards) but because when I first watched this video with my mother Boram, she said without any hesitation before the video even ended “he’s trying to do his best to hide it, but Freddie Mercury is really sick, it’s obvious from how he looks and the way he’s acting so over the top that he’s got AIDS and he just doesn’t want anybody to know”. I was in denial at the time but sadly Super Boram ESP powers ended up being correct, once again.
SUNNYKEY – Still With You
Back to Korea and it’s really a bit shameful that Sunnykey have a better, rockier song than QWER this week.
BamBam – Wondering
We’ve given up on “street harassment” videos, now we have “beach harassment” videos. Never mind who paved the way, BamBam doesn’t need your pavers, he’s happy to get his shoes sandy as long as there’s a woman who’s resisting his charms to chase.
Hoshi – Take A Shot
What is this extreme ugliness with the filters and so on. Although it looks like crap, I should probably be grateful, everything probably looks even worse with the effects off.
S.Coups x Mingyu – For you
This is for me? Oh thank you, you shouldn’t have. No, actually you really shouldn’t have because this sucks donkey dick cheers.
Taeyong – 501
Okay Taeyong you can have the money you scammed from me on eBay just delete this song thank you.
Rocky – Bounce Man
Oh my god it’s so shit. Get it out of here.
Daylotus – Sura
You know how I think all j-pop is basically trash, right? Well that’s not any pro-Korea bias talking, because Korea have their things that they completely suck at and which Japan does far better, too. One of them is Visual Kei – there’s no Korean group around today who can hold a candle to the better Japanese groups in that style, and this sure proves it. Like you all do with j-pop I’m sure I’ll get another 100 links now in response to this with “but what about this Korean Visual Kei song here” followed by some random link to some bullshit but trust me just don’t bother.
Collie Wave – Hysteric Glamour
Someone here is after Jvcki Wai’s wig and that’s probably not a bad thing given that “Jvcki Wait” releases about one and a half songs every three years these days.
Collie Wave – G-therapy!
Her other song is just kinda not good though.
Kimmy Gone feat. Kid Milli – Bassister
“Kimmy Gone” is a cool name and I was hoping she’d have better music but I guess not. Kimmy’s songs seem to be what’s gone here.
Yerin Baek – Teary Love
If anyone’s wondering why this girl has a bunch of songs I haven’t covered, it’s because they’re all too uninteresting. I throw out more song submissions than I actually review each week because of time constraints and people already complain about roundup being too long as it is. I’m trying to do you all a favour by skipping nothingy mid-ass songs like this.
Lolly – Lovesong
Nothing much to say about this but it reminded me that I was walking through the mall today and saw a girl wearing Min Hee Jin courtroom fashion, that exact same striped shirt and baseball cap. Gosh what a powerful trendsetting influencer, perhaps you should stan.
IRISE – Love Game
Here’s your weekly dose of anime eye cancer, you’re welcome.
Purynn – Relax
Just finishing on this because idk it’s a bland ass song but she rocks the gym wear and the wind up dogs are cool I guess.
HIPHOP PRINCESS SECTION
According to my song submitter: “Hiphop Princess is a spinoff of the hiphop show Unpretty Rapstar. The goal of the show is to form the hiphop version of IZ*ONE featuring both Korean and Japanese contestants competing for a spot in the final group.” Sounds good to me in theory because only women should ever be rapping, but I certainly won’t be watching that shit show… anyway here’s the songs….
Korea A – Celebrity
Starts boring but gets good when they change the beat up in the last third to what is defintiely the pick of the bunch for beats in all of these songs. The girls who had to rap over that shitty first beat should sue the show.
Japan A – Celebrity
Here the first beat is somewhat okay but then things fall to shit later on. Notice how I’m not really caring about the actual raps here, that’s because I can’t understand them and how can I assess rap that’s not in my language, I’m not a fucking idiot like those people who participate in the rap forums of k-pop websites.
Korea B – Escape The School
Yeah this one is just straight poop, light fluffy beats, too much signing, not enough drawing dongs on the chalkboard.
Japan B – Escape The School
The Japan one is even worse, a little bit less singing which is good but frightfully lame beats and even less chalk cocks and balls ensure that I don’t give a fuck.
Korea C – Self-Styling
Annoying beats and more awkward changes than a unisex locker room, truly this is a bunch of crap.
Japan C – Self-Styling
Slightly better beats from the Japanese team in this round, with the beat in the middle faring the best, but it’s nothing that’s going to make me burn my Wu-Tang albums.
Korea D – Free Youth
One of the things that hip-hop really embraces in its production style is minimalism and it’s something this show just isn’t grasping. Some decent beats here but too many switch ups and too much gimmicky crap ruins everything.
Japan D – Free Youth
Genuinely awful sonic choices here, and every time it shifts gears it only gets worse. I really wasted my time covering these crap songs, sorry about that everyone. If it makes you feel better most of everything else this week was shit too.
RANDOM BONUS VIDEOS OF THE WEEK
Hearts2Hearts ‘FOCUS’ Mood Sampler – Chapter 1. How2getHearts
An aggressively nonsensical promo in usual incoherent SM style for something or other which we’ll all have to grimly tolerate soon. Just remember – think less! Ah, SM Entertainment, you’ll never change.
yapmaster – Most Disturbing Crimes That Happened In The Kpop Community
My busy schedule means I haven’t had time to check this video out yet, I just thought I’d throw it up here for the true crime fans, enjoy! Or, you know, be horrified…
Kim Sung Jae – So To Say (As I Told You)
And continuing on the theme, from the person who sent this in: “kim sungjae is probably one of the great what ifs of kpop and is probably most well known now for his mysterious death”, you can read a little more about it at the Wiki entry for him if you like, but without checking it I can only assume that he ran into Shin Hana. And people thought those books were far-fetched, well… of course, they’re right. They totally are. 100% fiction anyway that’s it for this week nothing more to say nope nothing at all have a great week folks
That’s all for this week! Kpopalypse roundup returns next week! Oh and don’t forget that the new Kpopalypse survey is now open so CLICK HERE to fill out the survey and have your say on the things that matter in k-pop!
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