It’s time for Kpopalypse roundup! Let’s take a look at some new releases!
IVE – Be Alright
IVE don’t seem to have their best material in the Japanese market and this is no exception. It’s okay enough but it’s going to be nobody’s favourite IVE song.
Aespa – Dark Arts
Great snippets of instrumentation and cool chorus chants, ruined by weird languid tempos and tired beats elsewhere, it’s a real mixed bag. Looks like aespa’s better songwriting is now locked behind a lootbox gambling paywall just like their skins in the morally reprehensible PUBG event they’re promoting here.
KATSEYE – Monster High
Not much going on here of interest, except to note that clearly Katseye’s stylists are still racist and hellbent on trying to make everyone look as unappealing as possible. It’s a shame because we know the girls are attractive and yes they are eligible to be voted for in the Kpopalypse 2025 Objectification Survey which is now open, so if you haven’t voted yet CLICK HERE to participate and show your sincere and heartfelt appreciation for the hard work that the men and women of k-pop put into their appearances!
Huta – Bora
Let’s not leave the guys out either, people like to strawman Kpopalypse as “eww that guy who write about girls’ boobs, omg how creepy” as if they’re not all thinking the same thoughts and clicking on my articles in secret late at night (and yes I’ve got the stats which prove it), but I write about ALL the boobs, not just the female boobs. You can vote for Huta or whoever the hell else you want to in the Kpopalypse 2025 Objectification Survey – do it now, or don’t complain when your bias doesn’t get in the results!
PURPLE KISS – DOREMI
Basically a bargain-bin version of Red Velvet’s “Psycho“, and sadly the quality here reflects the price.
Hyo – Yes
Finally Hyoyeon actually shows up in one of her own solo videos instead of being represented by a lame avatar or whatever. It’s weird how only now she’s leaning into her dancing as a solo artist given that she was much hyped as “the dancer” back in Girls’ Generation days. Anyway the song isn’t too bad, at least the pace rips along even if it’s a little derivative, so it kind of suits what she’s going for conceptually, good work overall.
Yoyomi – Splash
Why Yoyomi slowed all the group dance footage down to about 5 FPS I have no idea, my readers didn’t buy top of the line graphics cards for this.
TXT – Beautiful Strangers
Some cool sounds, I alctually really like those big keyboard stabs, but this song needed to double-time the beat to really be interesting.
ifeye – r u ok?
No. (Hey, you were right!)
ifeye – IRL
This other song from ifeye is much better, the weak fairy floss beat leaves a bad first impression but once you get past it the song itself isn’t too bad at all.
ifeye – Friend like me
With friends like ifeye’s creative team putting all their better songs out as B-tracks instead of A-tracks, who needs enemies?
KISS OF LIFE – Painting
Oh look there’s Julie’s birthday party in the video, but this time they only ripped off and made a limp mockery of black music and didn’t do any of the other things they did at that other party. This will be fine with k-pop fans, because k-pop fans don’t really listen to music or consider it all that important, so the homogenising of black musical cultural currents through k-pop’s limp, watered-down R&B/coffee shop excursions doesn’t really even register to them as something that could be an issue for someone. But they’ll probably notice if an idol is wearing the wrong headwear.
Xikers – Up All Night
Xikers have a song this week, which is just kind of… normal, and… good? Further proof that a good song can come from anywhere. Not what I expected, but I’ll take it!
STAYC – I Want It
About 239 of you all alerted me to this song because it was released at the last minute before roundup came out but really, it’s just kind of averagely okay. Stayc have better songs than this, we all know it.
ARrC – Awesome
One of those songs where the video intro outshines the actual song to a ludicrous extent. If only they’d made something out of it.
EPEX – Picasso
And then when the intro sucks dicks, THEN it gets extended into the full song. This one starts off with some kind of wet fart noise through a phone speaker and then that becomes the basis for the entire fucking song, god help us.
NEXZ – One Bite
The boys of NEXZ fight over the most anemic looking pizza I’ve ever seen. Even the pizza joint near where I live which does traditional Italian style minimalist pizzas and then overcharges like fuck for them are more generous with the toppings than this.
NOWZ – Problem Child
What’s with Korean boy band names having a random letter on the end. I guess in this case it’s to prepare us for the music, zzzz indeed.
WayV – Big Bands
And again. An original idea about anything at all couldn’t possibly break through the Korean pop scene in 2025, could it.
NewL – Sweet Palace
Oh no, now the girls have caught the “three letter word, one letter” disease. At least it’s accurate this time as this song sure is a new L.
SEVENTOEIGHT – PDSR (Please Don’t Stop The Rain)
This song reminded me of having to play Credence Clearwater Revival’s total fucking shit song “Don’t Stop The Rain” (is it even called that? I can’t even fucking remember) in an old cover band I was in as a teenager and I hate it for that reason alone.
1VERSE – Shattered
Instead of having a warning at the start of your video for epilepsy, why not just release a video that doesn’t look like a pile of godawful fucking shit? Just a thought.
4X4 – Light
If they’re called “4×4” why is there five of them, and not… sixteen? Oh well, at least they didn’t call themselves “4x4z”.
Hyolyn – You and I
It’s summer which means the Sistar girls come out to do solo videos where they pose in bikinis a bit, which should be enough to remind you that yes veteran performers are eligible to be voted for in the Kpopalypse 2025 Objectification Survey! Older veterans always have had a massive advantage in the polls – despite all the fake concern some people have about those who vote for underage idols, it’s actually very difficult for most newer artists to even poll at all, meanwhile Nana keeps hanging in there year after year, I reckon she’ll still be charting post-menopause. Don’t be afraid to vote for your first or second generation faves, your vote matters more than you might think!
Soyou – PDA
I’d say vote for Soyou too, but I’m not sure where Soyou went and who this girl is in the video. If anyone has seen Soyou lately, let me know.
Jay Park – Remedy
Jay Park has… wait for it… a pretty decent song, and a pretty good video too. The good songs are coming from some unexpected places this week! The sci-fi wank in the video is a bit silly (T-ara’s “Day By Day” it sure ain’t) but it’s still visually interesting enough and at least he shows his torso a lot, whether it will be enough to help him out in the Kpopalypse 2025 Objectification Survey remains to be seen…
Onew – Animals
Onew’s song is actually decent. “We’re turning into animals”, I guess singers are at their best when they’re singing about what they know…
Jackson Wang – Made Me a Man
Jay Park got the kind of song Jackson Wang would normally be doing, and Jackson Wang got… Jackson Wang at half speed. Oh well.
Zanmang Loopy x TripleS Seoyeon, Hyerin, Yubin, Shion – PinkPower
Okay so this TripleS Loopy collab is just going to confuse me even more when it comes time to remember who the hell these people are. It does unironically rock a little though.
Max feat. Jay – Love Insane
When NewJeans started getting into the garage beats we didn’t know this would be the result. We have to end this trend immediately, by force if necessary.
Outlaw The Artist feat. Youha – Trust
I thought “who the fuck is Outlaw The Artist, must be some huge big name rapper I’ve never heard of that Youha is using to boost her career” but nope, this has less than a thousand views at the time of writing. Turns out that she’s the one helping him, what an angel. You should show your appreciation by giving her some clicks or at least voting for her in the Kpopalypse 2025 Objectification Survey because I swear she is one of the most underrated idols today in terms of attractiveness. I mean seriously check out her Instagram holy shit…
Doha – Zipper
You don’t want to watch this and neither do I, so let’s have our weekly non-Korean LGBT feature, yay! This week it’s Peaches, and here’s her best song which could easily be an anthem for this site. I saw Peaches live many years ago and she was fantastic, truly a great show. Especially memorable was her “stripping” during the show where she’d constantly take off her underwear just to reveal even more underwear, at one point she had a dozen pairs of panties staggered down her legs like a ladder – all while screaming like a mad woman of course AND signing some pretty damn good pop songs too. Stage presence, you’r k-pop faves DON’T have it, Peaches has it, remember this.
Lee Chanhyuk – Vivid Lala Love
It’s nice that Chanhyuk has a new album out and all and this song is pretty good actually but would it have hurt you to at least put Suhyun in the video if she wasn’t going to be in it musically?
Lee Chanhyuk – Endangered Love
Even this funk/R&B thing actually isn’t too bad but again, I feel like there’s something missing, something Suhyun-shaped. Please, sort it out, thank you.
015B – I’m Not Pretty
I didn’t realise 015B were capable of making songs without guest vocalists, quite a shock to the system actually This song’s not bad at all, if doing the singing themselves means we stay away from sappy ballad territory then I’m all for it.
Yoon Sanha – Extra Virgin
You know who’s not an extra virgin? Me, after being assfucked by this shit song. I did not consent to this.
ACE – Need U
No, not that A.C.E, but another ace of some sort hell I don’t fuckin’ know whatever…. anyway the song’s actually quite good so listen to it.
ACE – Lean On Me
Their ballad sucks just as much as any other ballad though.
Silica Gel feat. Japanese Breakfast – Fefere
Silica Gel sound like nothing else, and this merger of their usual sound and whatever Japanese Breakfast do kind of dilutes them a bit. Still good though.
Sunwoojunga – Want It!
This is like IU’s “The Red Shoes” if it was rewritten by someone who only loved incredibly boring music.
Diana – Comet
Not bad, but guitars louder, please!
Migyo – The Fire Within
The same thing again – the song’s actually not too bad, but it’s just a little too goddamn polite and Christian rock to really get over the line.
YLN Foreign – Hot Ch*gga
Wait, so they say “chigga” to sneakily get around the taboo of saying “nigga” in a rap song when they’re not black, and then they put an asterisk in it in the video title anyway? Censoring the censorship? What’s even the point? How easily offended do they think rap fans are? Are they really all children who need words censored to preserve their poor sensitive eyes? How far we have sunk since the glory days of NWA and Ice-T.
SUNNYKEY – Sweet Hello
A terrible blues-based pop song, ruined even more with jazz wrong-notes all over the place nobody asked for. Absolutely tragic, let’s leave it here for the good of humanity.
Rockit Girl – Blue Whale
But wait, Rockit Girl is here to save roundup yet again! How are they so musically consistent? Because the same people write all the songs, that’s why. Something other k-poppers could learn from… when you’re on a good thing, it’s okay to stick to it instead of following the latest bullshit trend like rats following the Pied Piper into the river of shit. And look, I didn’t even mention the Kpopalypse 2025 Objectification Survey…
RANDOM BONUS VIDEOS OF THE WEEK
bpeditor – female idols just can’t stand men #2
And I can’t stand ads. If you hate them also, skip past the first minute of this video. The rest of it is fun though, and anyone who liked the characterisations in my books of women uniting against a common enemy will like this too. Sure, a lot of these are just the idols and MCs playing up for the cameras (clearly being a pest to women and getting constantly rejected is the intended “joke” of most of these meetings, and many of them are actually scripted skits), but a few definitely have more than a grain of realness to them. Also, first video here if you want more.
CL – All In
CL’s lost YG comeback from 2016 was a pretty mid tropical house snoozer, released right at the time this sound was trending and there were about 57 songs exactly like this but better coming out every month. No wonder it got shelved, they sure did CL a favour even if she didn’t appreciate it. I know this is hard to believe, but what if YG didn’t have it in for CL, and he was actually trying to protect her from the roasting she would have gotten had this actually come out at the time. Perhaps he’s actually the hero we didn’t know we needed… okay, probably not, but it’s a thought.
IVY – Sonata Of Temptation
From my retro song submitter: “this song is known for having an mv so blatant in copying a final fantasy thing that square enix sued the director and won in court over it and the mv now has a disclaimer on it”. That aside, it’s actually not bad, what a shame that Ivy wasn’t allowed to have a long career because misogyny Korea something something more misogyny.
That’s all for this week! Kpopalypse roundup returns next week! In the meantime, don’t forget that the Kpopalypse 2025 Objectification Survey is now open, so CLICK HERE to participate and have your say in who are the most attractive men and women of k-pop!
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