It’s time for Kpopalypse roundup! Let’s take a look at some new releases!
LISA – FUTW
Nothing all that special happening here, just the usual slow leaden stuff you got sick of back in 2020 and are still sick of now, the kind of sound you’d think she’d be keen to run a mile from these days. At least it’s consistent though and doesn’t have some unwelcome western guest artist opening up their anal folds and farting halfway through the track, so that’s a plus. We have to take the small positives where we can, folks.
G-DRAGON feat. Anderson .Paak – Too Bad
Accurate song title of the week.
G-DRAGON – Drama
The token generic YG style ballad here to sell G-Dragon to us as someone who we supposedly still care about, and it’ll probably work actually, because manipulating fans of an established artist isn’t that hard. For the rest of us, it comes off like “Monster” on valium.
YOUNG POSSE feat. 10CM – Cold
Young Posse and 10cm, now that’s a collab I didn’t see coming, but I guess something like this was inevitable because Korea loves their ballads, don’t they. What I also didn’t expect is that it’s fairly listenable, but the main plus here is the great drama video.
dearALICE – Ariana
“What if EXP Edition were put out by SM Entertainment? Surely they’d at least have a chance then, right?” someone asked me back in 2017. We probably never thought we’d get an answer to that, but then we probably never thought we’d see Trump fitting both Putin and Elon Musk’s cocks into his holes at the same time. Time eventually solves all mysteries.
ZEROBASEONE (ZB1) – Devil Game
It’s cute when they think shooting in 4k matters, when everyone young is watching on their tiny phone screens and everyone old has eyes that only go up to 1080p.
NouerA – N.I.N (New is Now)
All the boy groups are going for the same feel now. There’s barely any difference between this song and the ZB1 song, the only meaningful difference is here the video looks like ass. I miss the days when k-pop video producers would use mainly physical props instead of “3D graphic design is my passion” floaty bullshit.
3WAY – Mh-hmm
And the same sound yet AGAIN. Everyone wants to do this vaguely-R&B-infused-but-not-really, slightly uptempo SHINee-lite thing. We’re bored over here, people.
Wheein – Butterfly
Someone told Wheein that her singing sounds better in the bath so she gave it a shot, but if the song is boring it doesn’t matter how well you sing it.
Awich, Jay Park, KR$NA, Masiwei & VannDa – ASIAN STATE OF MIND
Jay Park rhymes “kawaii” with “Hawaii” in his verse and I feel like that sums up this whole track in general.
Vangdale + Jvcki Wai – Spoil U
In news we actually care about here at Kpopalypse.com, Jvcki Wai makes her customary once-per-alignment-of-the-planets appearance in the music world. Unfortunately this song is barely even a snack so hopefully she does something else before she vanishes into the mist until the next planetary cycle.
TEAM NY feat. Rosy Barbie – Hit The Road
Probably the best song Rosy Barbie has been in yet. This video features plenty of horse but the wobbly-ass camera will make you motion-sick long before you get a good peek at the horse cock.
Jain Ros – Log In
Apparently this girl was in Brave Girls, but you wouldn’t know it from the viewcount. I was under the impression Brave Girls were a group people gave a fuck about the members of, but I guess not. Anyway the song’s not too bad, I’ll take it over the endless parade of SHINee clones.
Lim Youngmin – On My Way
I didn’t find this massively interesting so instead here’s this week’s random LGBT feature! This one’s a reader suggestion, Megara are a group from Spain and their songs are pretty good so thanks for turning me onto them! The lesbianism in the video isn’t just for show either, as this is the singer’s sexuality too, and the whole package has the kind of out-and-proud energy I’d like to see in a few more k-pop videos. Let’s just hope she doesn’t also hear strange voices and strangle people after the act as depicted here… probably not, right?
Heyoon feat. Chris Patrick – ASAP
Yeah it’s alright. The nugus definitely have better songs this week.
Gyubin – Like U 100
Really good and a breath of fresh air amongst the crap this week. Now we’ve just got to get her using a microphone correctly. This one’s pointing straight up at the ceiling FYI.
Koi Kat – Let It Show
Nothing all that special. We’re getting into the dregs folks.
The Volunteers – Rules
Pretty pedestrian rock stuff here, good job invisible bass player though. I hope he at least got paid.
Plastickiz – The Garden of Promise
A reasonably good looking video ruined by disgusting AI filters, where the band members look like they’re suddenly screaming from the pits of hell. If only they were, the music could have used it.
EZ DO BAND – Raku
Not a bad song, sort of QWERish, but the video is a hard watch. It feels like every shot is wobbly as fuck for no reason because the whole thing was zoomed in way too far. I got a serious headache watching this so I’ll stop reviewing songs now, yay!
RANDOM BONUS VIDEOS OF THE WEEK
Karina wears various outfits because why not, cunt
Karina is one of those k-pop people who looks about ten times better whenever she’s not in her group’s videos. They’re always making her wear Cyber Midwives from System Shock 2 cosplay when she’s actually just a normal attractive person who looks like other normal attractive people. She’s still way more interesting than that stupid James Bond tribute everyone linked me this week with Lisa singing about two super-undemanding lines and everyone going “oh wow her voice is so great”…
RAIN – Rainism
People act like “Gang” was somehow weird and a massive falling off but Rain was actually always like that, it just took about a decade for people to notice. Anyway I’m sorry, I only care about Rainaism, not Rainism.
That’s all for this week! Kpopalypse roundup returns next week!
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